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Cyberbullying Goes to Congress
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| Wednesday, July 14th, 2010 | | CWK Producer |
“Sure enough, I had a parent come to my door and say, 'Your daughter has been saying some rather nasty things about my daughter on this website.'”
– Patti, Mother
Dr. Phil recently joined forces with the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry to testify before the U.S. House of Representatives about the effect cyberbullying is having on American kids. It's been a problem almost since the Internet was invented... but now studies show that online harassment and bullying is getting worse.
High school students have always spread gossip in the halls, on the walls and on the phone. Now, it's online, too. On Facebook posts, in text messages and on various message boards, kids write about whom they hate, whom they think is pregnant or has an STD and record other often hurtful rumors that may or may not be true.
Sixteen-year-old Jessica remembers once when some kids at her school wrote cruel things about her on the Web.
"They were just making fun of me," she says. "You know, she's really ugly, she's this, she's that, ba-ba-ba."
Jessica's 11-year-old sister, Emma, admits she's used the Web to write nasty things about another girl, though she regrets it now.
"After a while, you're like, how could I have been so mean? Like, why did I do that?" she says.
The other girl's father eventually became so frustrated with what Emma had said that he came to her door and demanded her mother make her stop.
Experts say gossip on the Internet can be more harmful than the old-fashioned kind. It's often anonymous because kids use fake screen names. It has the power of the written word, so it lasts longer and is taken more seriously. And, unlikely ugly words on the bathroom wall, there's no way to scratch it out.
"Online gossip is to hearsay gossip probably what nukes are to dynamite," says Dr. Ramah Commanday, a school psychologist. "It can get EXTREMELY raunchy."
If your kids are victims of online gossip, Dr. Commanday suggests putting the gossip into perspective.
"Point out to them how what's being said on the screen differs from what everyone knows about you as a person," Dr. Commanday says.
You can also try what worked for Emma: Keep your kids off the offensive website!
"When she was using it all the time, her name was on there all the time. People were writing things about her," explains Patti, Emma's mother. "Since she has no longer had access to that, she's no longer a topic of conversation."
Experts say that any time your child is on the Internet, you should know what he or she is doing there. Online gossip is just another reason why.
What We Need To Know
Bullying is a common experience for many children and adolescents. Surveys indicate that as many as half of all children are bullied at some time during their school years, and at least 10% are bullied on a regular basis. This behavior can be physical or verbal, but recently, bullying is increasingly reported in online chat rooms, through e-mails, from cell phones, and on social networking websites. Most of us remember passing notes during class or swapping stories over lunch with our friends in middle and high school. But with more teens online, the gossip has gone high-tech. Teens are using message boards, instant messaging and even email to air out their frustrations – often in hurtful language – about their teachers and peers.
According to experts at the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, bullying can and does exist in cyber space, and is as detrimental to children and adolescents as when it happens in the school playground. A recent i-SAFE survey states 53% of kids admit having said something mean or hurtful to another person online while 58% of kids admit someone has said mean or hurtful things to them online. Many don't tell their parents or other adults, and if they do, the adults often don't know how to stop the online teasing.
Gossiping, whether it's in the halls or online, more often than not leads to hurt feelings. According to the Nemours Foundation, if teens spend enough time gossiping and passing on stories they don't know are true, eventually no one will believe anything they say, even when it is the truth. Teens who gossip shouldn't expect to be trusted ever again. Once friends learn that a peer can't resist spreading secrets around, they won't tell him or her anything personal. And if a teen gossips about personal or important issues, he or she could even end up in trouble at school and at home. Teachers don't appreciate students who make it tough for other students to learn, and parents won't be happy to hear that their child is causing trouble in school.
If you've heard your teen taking teasing and gossiping to a hurtful level, it's time to remedy the situation. Experts offer the following advice for curbing your teen's gossiping and teasing:
- Cultivate your teen's compassion. Talk to him or her about feelings – how emotional blows can hurt as much as physical ones. "You wouldn't throw a rock at that girl, would you? So you shouldn't call her a whore either."
- Give your teen a simple test he or she can use to judge if his or her teasing is playful or hurtful: "How would I feel if someone said this about me?"
- Talk to your teen about the when and where of playful teasing. He or she shouldn't always resort to sarcasm or jokes at someone else's expense in order to get a laugh.
- Examine your own behavior and that of other family members. Do you rib your children at length, even after they plead with you to stop? Do you tease inappropriately, that is, about the way people look or the habits they have? Are you confusing razzing with teaching and discipline – for instance, do you communicate your frustration about your teen's messy room by calling him "Mr. Slob"? Make sure that your own teasing (and that of everyone else in your household) is good-natured, not aggressive or manipulative.
As a parent, it is also important to regulate how your teen uses the Internet. If you know what your teen is doing while online, you can better prevent him or her from visiting message boards where the temptation to gossip exists. The Media Awareness Network suggests considering the following questions concerning how your teen surfs the Net:
- Are you involved in your teen's online activities? Do you know what he or she is doing and whom your teen is talking to when he or she is on the Internet?
- Does your family have a set of rules or an agreement for appropriate Internet use?
- Do you make Internet use a family activity by guiding your teen to good sites and teaching him or her how to do safe, effective searches?
- Have you taught your teen not to believe everything he or she reads online and to check online information with an adult or with another source?
- If your teen has her or his personal website, have you checked to make sure it doesn't contain harmful or hurtful information?
- Have you talked to your teen about responsible online behavior? Does he or she understand that making threats or harassing others online can be considered illegal activities?
