Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

| CWK Producer

This time of year, we go to parties, exchange gifts, send out greeting cards and spend time with the people we love. But, among teens, the holidays are notable for something else. Studies show this is the time of year kids are most likely to first have sex.

Sex researchers call it "the holiday season effect." The reasons are not clear, but Dr. Dani Beckerman, a clinical psychologist with a California-based sexuality center says it could have to do with teens having more unsupervised time, and more parties.

"In the winter, I would say in the December months, it tends to be more romanticized," Beckerman says. "It's the Christmas season."

"You know it's like oh, let's celebrate the New Year by, you know, losing our virginity," says Danielle, 16.

"Parents [are] out of town. Like, you know, call people over, have fun, drink. Mostly [that's] what they do," explains 16-year-old Geary.

Ryan, 16, knows this from his own experience, "we kinda just went to my house, kinda romantic kinda thing, you know, nice and cold outside, so, I don't know."

Experts say it has implications for the timing of the parent-teen "sex talk."

Beckerman says if we know kids are more likely to lose their virginity in one month than another, parents should focus greater emphasis on talking about sex, relationships, intimacy and safety during those times of year. But, she says the most effective form of sex education is a long-lasting conversation that begins in young childhood and lasts through adolescence.

"I think by creating a dialogue the young person is going to feel safer, and more comfortable approaching their parents about sex, and about what it means, if it's right for them, and how to make choices and decisions," she says.

Study after study has shown talking about sex does not make kids more likely to have it, Berkerman says.
"They can say no, they understand why they are saying no. They feel more comfortable with their choice, they have more esteem, more confidence."

But for teens without sex education, this time of year especially, can lead to risky behavior.

Sex is something parents should constantly discuss with their teens, but you should really give your teens "the talk" before summer and Christmas vacation. According to one study, teens are much more likely to lose their virginity during the months of June and December than any other time of the year. Almost 19,000 adolescents in grades seven through twelve participated in the survey, which identified the month they had sexual intercourse for the first time. The survey also asked if the act was with a romantic partner or was more "casual."

The findings, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, show June as the most popular month, followed closely by December. Summer and Christmas vacations are believed to be the cause with school out and teens with time on their hands. More events are also planned in June, including high school proms, graduations and summertime parties. The "holiday season effect" makes December the second highest month for teen sex. Experts explained that during the holidays, young females in relationships are more likely to have sex. The holidays usually bring people together and make them closer. The same is true with teenagers.

Tips for Parents

All studies indicate messages from parents regarding sex are extremely important to teens (Washington State Department of Health). In fact, teens state parents as their number one resource for information on the topic. This talk may be uncomfortable for many parents, so the National Parent Teacher Association (PTA) has provided the following tips for parents:

• Practice. It may take practice to feel comfortable talking about sex with your kids. Rehearsing with a friend or partner can help. Be honest. Admit to your child if talking about sex is not easy for you. You might say, "I wish I'd talked with you about sex when you were younger, but I found it difficult and kept putting it off. My parents never talked to me about it, and I wish they had."
• Pay attention. Often parents do not talk to their teens about sex because they did not notice they wanted or needed information. Not all teens ask direct questions. Teenagers are often unwilling to admit they do not know everything. Notice what is going on with your child and use that as a basis for starting a conversation about sexual topics.
• Look for chances to discuss the sexual roles and attitudes of men and women with your child. Use television show, ads and articles as a start.
• Listen. When you give your full attention, you show that you respect your child's thoughts and feelings. Listening also gives you a chance to correct wrong information they may have gotten from friends. As you listen, be sensitive to unasked questions. "My friend Mary is going out on a real date," could lead to a discussion of how to handle feelings about touching and kissing.

Parents can also share their feelings on the topic through words and actions. The best way is to talk to teens. Even though it may seem like they are not listening – they are. To have a healthy and effective discussion on sex, the Advocates for Youth Campaign encourages parents to:

• Educate yourself and talk with your children about issues of sexuality. Do not forget about discussing the importance of relationships, love, and commitment.
• Discuss explicitly with preadolescents and teens the value of delaying sexual initiation and the importance of love and intimacy as well as of safer sex and protecting their health.
• Encourage strong decision-making skills by providing youth with age-appropriate opportunities to make decisions and to experience the consequences of those decisions. Allow young people to make mistakes and encourage them to learn from them.
• Encourage teens to create a resource list of organizations to which they can turn for assistance with sexual health, and other, issues. Work together to find books and Web sites that offer accurate information.
• Actively support comprehensive sexuality education in the schools. Find out what is being taught about sexuality, who is teaching it, and what your teens think about it.
• Actively voice your concerns if the sexuality education being taught in local public schools is biased, discriminatory, or inaccurate, has religious content, or promotes a particular creed or denomination.
• Demonstrate unconditional love and respect for your children.

References

• Advocates for Youth Campaign
• Journal of Marriage and Family
• National Parent Teacher Association
• Washington State Department of Health

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