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Wednesday, August 27th, 2008

| CWK Producer

“Have a good day!” says Cindy Andersen as she kisses her son Matthew good-bye.

Making the trek to school is a lot easier now for the 5-year-old boy than it was a few weeks ago.
 
Big sister Jessica tried to help him through it. 

“Once, he was so scared to go to school that mom had to get out of the carpool line and walk him in,” she says.

Mrs. Andersen remembers the event well.

“He jumped out of the car… and jumped back in … and cried and ran to the back of the mini-van,” she says.

Kindergarten is a brand new experience for Matthew.  He’s a little unsure and a little afraid.

“I’m a little bit happy, and I’m a little bit nervous,” Matthew says.

Experts agree that anxiety about attending school for the first time is perfectly normal.

“Well, it’s really just fear of the unknown at that age,” says school psychologist and parenting author Dr. Sal Severe.  “There may be some fear sometimes of just not having a security person, a parent or a sibling, nearby that they can count on.”

But parents can take several steps to help their children cope with the anxiety.  Experts suggest taking your child to school, showing them around and meeting the teacher ahead of time.  Talk to your child about what to expect and remind him or her that you will see him or her at the end of the school day. 

Finally, make sure you don’t overreact.

“If you’re uptight about it, if you’re worried about it, clearly your children will pick up on it and that will escalate their anxiety and fear,” Dr. Severe says.

As for Matthew, “I know he’s gonna be fine,” Mrs. Andersen says.  “It’s just that in the morning when he separates from mom, that’s a moment of going from total safeness to a little bit of an unknown, and that’s just a hard thing to do.”

But Matthew has figured out how to make it a little easier to leave the safety of home.

“Got a little picture of my mom and dad [in my pocket],” he says.

Tips for Parents

According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), it is common for children aged 5-7 and 11-14 to experience anxiety related to attending school.  During these time periods, children are dealing with the new challenges of elementary and middle school.  The AACAP says that refusal to go to school often begins for the following reasons:

• The child has become closer to the parent after spending a long period of time with him or her as the result of a summer vacation, a holiday break or a brief illness.
• The child may avoid the first day of school at any grade level, but especially if the past year was not a good one.
• Years when big transitions are made, such as from elementary school to junior high, may be especially stressful.
• The child may avoid school after experiencing a life change, such as parents divorcing, death of a pet or loved one or moving to a new neighborhood.

How can you determine if your child is experiencing school anxiety?  The Children’s Hospital of Iowa (CHI) cites the following behaviors that may be associated with your child’s avoidance of school:

• Complains of headaches and chronic stomachaches
• Experiences difficulty sleeping
• Appears grouchy and feels tired
• Has a hard time making decisions
• Is afraid to be left in a room alone
• Is clingy and follows a parent around
• Worries a lot about himself or herself and loved ones getting hurt
• Experiences nightmares
• Throws tantrums when forced to go to school

If your child is experiencing anxiety as he or she prepares to enter preschool or kindergarten, you can take several steps to make the transition smoother.  The MetLife Consumer Education Center (MCEC) offers the following advice for preparing your young child for the first-day milestone:

• Tell your child in advance that he or she will be going to school soon.
• Be positive and reassure your child that school is a good place.
• Never use school as a threat or a means to change your child’s behavior.
• Prepare for new school experiences by using puppets or by role-playing some enjoyable school activities.
• Read age-appropriate books about going to school to help your child know what to expect.  Or work with your child to make a storybook about going to school.

• Provide your child with an opportunity to experience the new school.  If possible, have your child meet the teacher, see the classroom and tour the building.  If this isn’t feasible, driving to the school and letting your child see and walk around the outside of the building can be helpful.

• Prepare the night before by planning meals, clothes and transportation.
• Consider riding the bus with your child the first day.  Check with your child’s school to be sure this is allowed, and don’t go along if your child seems embarrassed.
• Let your child bring a security object to school, like a stuffed toy, or give your child your photo to keep.

Don’t be too concerned if your child cries and refuses to leave your side on the first day of school.  The experts at MCEC say that clinging and crying are healthy coping mechanisms in very young children, so don’t overreact.  The most important thing to remember is to make sure your child does not feel abandoned and unloved. 

For an older child who may be anxious about starting a new school year, the CHI suggests the following ways in which to help him or her cope with the fear and stress:

• Don’t just tell your child that he or she has to go to school – give him or her a good reason!  Explain how going to school will give your child chances to learn and do new things.
• Help a shy child make friends.  Encourage him or her to join a club or after-school activity.
• Get your child extra help if he or she is having trouble in school.
• Keep up-to-date on a bullying situation.  Talk to teachers and school counselors if it becomes a problem.
• If possible, try to be home to greet your child when he or she gets home from school.  This is especially important during stressful times.
• Devote time to your child each day.
• Encourage healthy behaviors.  Help your child eat healthy and exercise.  Limit television, computer and video game time if needed.
• Help your child list factors he or she dislikes about school.  Talk about which aspects he or she has the power to change.
• Practice relaxation exercises with your child.

If your child’s fears about starting school are persistent and begin to cause serious educational or social problems, the AACAP suggests taking your child to see a child and adolescent psychiatrist.  Unreasonable fears about leaving the home and parents can be successfully treated, and parents should not hesitate to seek professional help. The child's physician can refer the parents to a child and adolescent psychiatrist.  Severe anxiety problems in children can be treated.  Early treatment can prevent future difficulties, such as loss of friendships, failure to reach social and academic potential and feelings of low self-esteem.  Treatments for your child may include a combination of the following:

• Individual psychotherapy
• Family therapy
• Medications
• Behavioral treatments
• Consultation to the school

It is important to get help early.  If left untreated, your child’s anxiety can become worse and continue to cause long-term mental health problems as he or she gets older.

References

• American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
• Children’s Hospital of Iowa
• MetLife Consumer Education Center

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