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Wednesday, July 9th, 2008

| CWK Producer

“Inappropriate gestures and profanity will not be tolerated.” Announcements like that are often heard before high school sporting events these days, but some parents don’t follow those rules.

“Parents (will get) thrown out of the park completely, really getting on ref’s backs,” says father John Economos.

“I’ve seen parents basically berating kids on the ice, you know,” adds father David Dirkse.

And 12-year-old Sean, a club team hockey player, says kids playing the game notice.

“[Parents will] be yelling stuff and you’re in the background just trying to ignore it,” he says. “But when the whole crowd starts doing, it it’s like, ‘Well, I don’t want to deal with them,’ and you feel really bad if it’s [a teammate’s] parents.”

In fact, according to a study by the University of Maryland, 53 percent of parents report getting angry at their child’s game and another 40 percent report yelling at the referee.

Bottom line is- parents are bad sports.

“[The problem is] just loudmouth, overactive parents who are thinking their child will be the next Michael Jordan,” says psychiatrist Richard Winer, M.D.

He says the problem is growing worse as parents envision college scholarships for their kids – or multi-million dollar pro careers.

“So there’s some financial reward that parents often see at the end of the road when it comes to sports participation,” he explains. “Yet the odds are extremely thin that that will happen.”

Instead of a star athlete, he says, overly aggressive parents often end up with a child who is resentful and burned-out.

“They start to feel like, ‘I don’t want to deal with them, so I’ll just quit next year,’” says Sean. “[And] they won’t come back.”

“The parents have to ask directly of the kids, ‘Are you enjoying it’?’” says Winer. “And then say, ‘It’s okay if you don’t enjoy this particular sports activity. Maybe there’s something else you would like better.’ And [parents need] to be very blunt and say, ‘You won’t hurt my feelings if you end up getting away from this particular sport and either try another sport or maybe some non-sports activity.’”

Tips for Parents

The Citizenship Through Sports Alliance is the largest U.S. athletic coalition that focuses on character in sport. CTSA promotes fair play at all levels — from youth leagues to professional sport — reinforcing the value of sport as a test of character. "It's Up to Us," the organization’s program for grass-roots community efforts to teach, learn and practice good sportsmanship and citizenship, suggests eight ways to teach your child these character traits:

• Take the opportunity to define what these qualities mean to you. Explain your motivations for involvement in civic organizations. Point out how the entire community benefits when citizens exhibit good character.
• Show children examples of good sportsmanship that are recounted in the newspaper or other published materials.
• Share stories of how someone has shown sportsmanship to you or someone you and your child know.
• Ask children their opinion of professional and/or local athletes who visit hospitals or support charitable foundations. Then ask your child how they feel about those public figures who fail to make these positive gestures.
• Sportsmanship and citizenship are virtually synonymous; the same tenets drive each, and helping others is a valuable aspect of both qualities. Illustrate examples of both traits, e.g. an athlete who helps an opponent off the field.
• Discuss how you personally practice sportsmanship and the good feelings it gives you.
• Explain that sportsmanship is made up of smaller good deeds, no less important than the larger, more visible deeds.
• Give examples of other children you both know who exhibit good sportsmanship.
• Define expectations regarding sportsmanship to help your child set tangible, realistic goals when practicing good sportsmanship.

As a parent, you must avoid becoming wrapped up in how well your child performs. Don’t lose sight of what's really important and forget that one of the most important goals of youth sports is helping children develop a sense of good sportsmanship. Children practice good sportsmanship when they treat their teammates, opponents, coaches and officials with respect. They learn the basics of sportsmanship from the adults in their lives, especially parents and coaches. Those who see adults behaving in a sportsmanlike way will realize that the real winners in sports — and in life itself — are those who persevere and behave with dignity regardless of whether they win or lose. A child who bullies opponents on the playing field is likely to continue that behavior in the classroom and other social situations. Here are some suggestions to build sportsmanship in your child:

• Unless you actually are the coach, remember you’re the parent. Shout encouragement, not directions, from the sidelines.
• If you are the coach, don’t expect more out of your own child than you do of his/her teammates. And don’t play favorites, either.
• Make only positive comments. Don’t badmouth players, coaches or game officials. If you have a legitimate gripe, discuss it privately with those involved.
• Applaud good plays without regard to who makes them.
• Set a good example by congratulating parents of the opposing team when they win.
• Don’t push your child into a sport you enjoy. Let him/her decide what to play and the commitment to give that sport.
• Keep your perspective. Even if your child looses every game of the season, it’s unlikely to ruin the rest of their life.
• Talk with your child about the good and bad examples of sportsmanship you see at the college and professional levels.
• Always remember to have fun. Even if your child is not the star player, he/she is learning new skills and making friends.

References

• The Citizenship Through Sports Alliance
• National Federation of State High School Associations
• University of Maryland, School of Public Health

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