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| Wednesday, July 9th, 2008 | | CWK Producer |
“Parents need to kind of go through a mental checklist to make sure that they are not encouraging sports participation as a way to make up for the lack of participation they themselves might have had during their own childhood.”
– Richard Winer, M.D., Psychiatrist
“Inappropriate gestures and profanity will not be tolerated.” Announcements like that are often heard before high school sporting events these days, but some parents don’t follow those rules.
“Parents (will get) thrown out of the park completely, really getting on ref’s backs,” says father John Economos.
“I’ve seen parents basically berating kids on the ice, you know,” adds father David Dirkse.
And 12-year-old Sean, a club team hockey player, says kids playing the game notice.
“[Parents will] be yelling stuff and you’re in the background just trying to ignore it,” he says. “But when the whole crowd starts doing, it it’s like, ‘Well, I don’t want to deal with them,’ and you feel really bad if it’s [a teammate’s] parents.”
In fact, according to a study by the University of Maryland, 53 percent of parents report getting angry at their child’s game and another 40 percent report yelling at the referee.
Bottom line is- parents are bad sports.
“[The problem is] just loudmouth, overactive parents who are thinking their child will be the next Michael Jordan,” says psychiatrist Richard Winer, M.D.
He says the problem is growing worse as parents envision college scholarships for their kids – or multi-million dollar pro careers.
“So there’s some financial reward that parents often see at the end of the road when it comes to sports participation,” he explains. “Yet the odds are extremely thin that that will happen.”
Instead of a star athlete, he says, overly aggressive parents often end up with a child who is resentful and burned-out.
“They start to feel like, ‘I don’t want to deal with them, so I’ll just quit next year,’” says Sean. “[And] they won’t come back.”
“The parents have to ask directly of the kids, ‘Are you enjoying it’?’” says Winer. “And then say, ‘It’s okay if you don’t enjoy this particular sports activity. Maybe there’s something else you would like better.’ And [parents need] to be very blunt and say, ‘You won’t hurt my feelings if you end up getting away from this particular sport and either try another sport or maybe some non-sports activity.’”
The Citizenship Through Sports Alliance is the largest U.S. athletic coalition that focuses on character in sport. CTSA promotes fair play at all levels — from youth leagues to professional sport — reinforcing the value of sport as a test of character. "It's Up to Us," the organization’s program for grass-roots community efforts to teach, learn and practice good sportsmanship and citizenship, suggests eight ways to teach your child these character traits:
As a parent, you must avoid becoming wrapped up in how well your child performs. Don’t lose sight of what's really important and forget that one of the most important goals of youth sports is helping children develop a sense of good sportsmanship. Children practice good sportsmanship when they treat their teammates, opponents, coaches and officials with respect. They learn the basics of sportsmanship from the adults in their lives, especially parents and coaches. Those who see adults behaving in a sportsmanlike way will realize that the real winners in sports — and in life itself — are those who persevere and behave with dignity regardless of whether they win or lose. A child who bullies opponents on the playing field is likely to continue that behavior in the classroom and other social situations. Here are some suggestions to build sportsmanship in your child: