"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire." - W.B. Yeats  

Wednesday, December 20th, 2006

Kristen DiPaolo | Producer

In middle school Erica Bryant started dating an African-American boy.

"A lot of the black girls were furious at me for 'going in their territory,'" recalls 18-year-old Erica, "and after that I guess a lot of other girls shared their views."

Soon, kids started calling her names.

"There was a boy behind me kicking my seat and I was just like, ‘Can you please stop?’" says Erica, "And he wouldn’t. I’m like, ‘Please stop!’ He’s like, ‘No, whore! Whore! Whore!’ He was kicking my seat, and I just started crying."

To make matters worse, Erica was being treated for depression. Kids found out, and called her "crazy."

"She would walk down the halls in her school and kids would make these really disgusting gestures pretending to slit their wrists," explains Erica’s mom Linda Perloff. "They would hold up a sign when the teacher wasn’t looking that said, ‘psycho.’"

Finally, Erica’s parents decided to pull her out of school.

Research from Penn State University shows that when bullying is chronic or severe, part of the blame lies with teachers - who either miss the signs, or dismiss it as normal teasing.

"Teachers might go, ‘Okay, that’s okay, [the students are] joking. Cut it out and move on,’" says Kathryn Henry, a school counselor in metro-Atlanta.

In Erica’s case, when the school administrators did try to help, but they didn’t hand out consequences.

"Admittedly it’s hard to justify suspending a group of girls for rolling their eyes, or snickering or whispering," says Linda.

Experts say if your child is being harassed at school, ask the teacher directly for help.

And make sure your child knows they’ve done nothing wrong.

"The bullying behavior comes from somewhere else," says Dr. Deborah Prothrow-Stith, with the Harvard School of Public Health. "It doesn’t come from the way you look, or the way you act. This person behaves that way for some other reasons, and would pick on anybody if you weren’t there."

For her part, Erica is now at a new school - trying to move on.

What We Need To Know

• If your child is the victim of bullying, don’t assume that he or she did something to provoke the bully. Don’t say, "What did you do to aggravate the other child?" (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)
• Listen carefully to what your child tells you about the bullying. Ask him or her to describe who was involved and how and where each bullying episode happened. Can your child name other children or adults who may have witnessed the bullying? (U.S. Department of health and Human Services)
• Ask your child what he or she thinks can be done to help. Assure him or her that you will think about what needs to be done and you will let him or her know what you are going to do. (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)
• If you disagree with how your child handled the bullying situation, don’t criticize him or her. Do not encourage physical retaliation ("Just hit them back") as a solution. Hitting another student is not likely to end the problem, and it could get your child suspended or expelled or escalate the situation. (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)
• Contact your child’s teacher and principal. Parents are often reluctant to report bullying to school officials, but bullying may not stop without the help of adults. Keep your emotions in check. Explain you want to work with the school to keep your child and others safe. Give factual information about your child’s experience of being bullied - including who, what, when, where, and how. (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)
• Ask the teacher to seat your child away from the bully. Also, ask the teacher for suggestions of kids with whom your child is likely to get along. Encourage your child to contact these students outside of school. In addition, ask the teacher to group your child with potential friends when making collaborative assignments. (Kathryn Henry, School Counselor)
• Help your child become more resilient to bullying. Encourage them to develop talents like music, athletics or art. (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)
• If your child is being bullied, perhaps others in the class are too. Your child’s teacher may be able to lead a classroom discussion on bullying. Since its not always possible to punish kids for not wanting to be friends with another child, the teacher may be able to encourage kids to use empathy. The teacher may ask kids to recall an experience of being bullied, and put themselves in the victim’s shoes. (Kathryn Henry, School Counselor)

Resources

• Penn State University
• Kaiser Family Foundation
• National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center
• Nemours Foundation

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