Risky Behaviors: Parents Are the Last To Know
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Comment| Wednesday, October 4th, 2006 | Emily Halevy | CWK Producer |
“Faithfully I stayed up ever Friday and Saturday night, to check to see if [my son] was sober, to make sure that he got home. And he always appeared fine to me… I was clueless.”
– Hedwig O’Brien, mother
Would most parents know if their children were drinking or using drugs? Would you know?
In a recent survey of 600 teens and their parents, 54 percent of teens admitted to trying alcohol – yet only 30 percent of parents thought their child was drinking.
Even parents who consider themselves aware of their kids’ behavior know they have been proven wrong.
“Faithfully I stayed up ever Friday and Saturday night, to check to see if [my son] was sober, to make sure that he got home,” says Hedwig O’Brien. And he always appeared fine to me. I really didn’t…. I was clueless.”
“We had no idea truly, though,” says Carol G., “and I thought I was a pretty sharp mom, how much, how many drugs and how much she was abusing.”
But experts say it’s not all the parents’ fault.
“It’s not like these parents are bad or are missing something,” says Dr. Vincent Ho, a psychiatrist. “The kids are just really good at tricking people.”
And it doesn’t help that the behavior of a kid drinking or on drugs is a lot like the behavior of an ordinary, rebellious teenager.
“What the parents will report to us,” says clinical psychologist Robert Margolis, “is a whole variety of behaviors that accompany drug use: declining grades, sneaking out at night, changing peer group, change in dress, change in behavior, attitude, isolating more, maybe money being missing from the house. All those ancillary behaviors, which they don’t associate in their mind with drug use.”
Experts say one way to protect kids is to know their friends – and their friends’ parents.
“We assume, or at least I assume sometimes, that all parents think like I do,” says Tim Jordan, a behavioral pediatrician. “There’s some parents that allow kids to drink alcohol, there’s some parents who allow some of those kind of behaviors; so it’s our job as parents to make sure we know where our kids are and who they’re with - and that there’s supervision.”
Tips for Parents
- Act responsibly, and be health-conscious. A recent study suggests that parents who drink and smoke, and who generally don’t take care of their health, may influence their children to engage in risky behaviors themselves – including unprotected sex. (Center For The Advancement of Health)
- Be balanced in your parenting: warm and involved, firm when setting limits, while showing respect for your teenager. (Office of National Drug Control Policy)
- In families with two parents, it’s important both adults are unified in their approach to discipline. Seeing parents argue over rules and limits undermines parental control. (Council for Relationships)
References
- Center on Alcohol Marketing and Youth (CAMY)
- Campaign For Our Children
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
