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Teacher Bullies, Part Two: Why Kids Don’t Speak Up
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| Wednesday, September 20th, 2006 | Emily Halevy | CWK Producer |
“Often just being heard is enough to give a sense of confidence to that student back to say ‘okay, I’m not crazy, I can express myself’. And often times that’s enough to have that student move on into a better place.”
– Tana Hall, M.Ed. licensed professional counselor
Often times, kids feel helpless when they’re bullied. But when the bully is their teacher, it can affect not only their self-esteem, but their grades as well.
In an anonymous survey, 45 percent of elementary school teachers say they bully their students.
“I am surprised by that number - because I think that bullying goes on without sometimes the ‘bully-er’ being aware that they’re even doing it,” says Tana Hall, M.Ed.
And, many times, the kids aren’t aware that it’s bullying. They know they feel bad, but they may not know what to call it.
“I mean, he didn’t really like directly bully anyone, but he’d make very, like, snide and sarcastic comments about, like, kids and their intelligence levels,” remembers 16-year-old Matt Stanhope about one teacher. “I mean, it doesn’t seem that bad to some people, but it definitely does effect people’s - I don’t know - self-esteem and how they feel about that class.”
But if almost half of elementary teachers bully students, why don’t more kids complain?
They say one reason is they’re afraid no one will take them seriously.
“I told my parents, but they didn’t believe me, they thought I was exaggerating, they thought I was just trying to get out of my bad grade,” says 13-year-old Spencer Vaughn.
And, if they do complain, they fear the bullying will get worse.
“[My teacher’s] temper gets up real fast and he gets real mad and so, I would tell [other] teachers- keep it on the DL [down low], don’t tell that I said that,” says 19-year-old Ashley Kelley. “Because if I go back to the class and say ‘oh, well you told people that I give you more homework than other people’ - and he might, you know, do it all over again,”.
Experts say it is essential for parents to listen to their children and support them. ”It gives legitimacy to the student’s complaints if the parent can be behind them,” says Hall.
And when parents approach their child’s school, she says, be calm, factual - and most of all, patient. ”Patience in any institution is very important,” she says. “Schools do have their rules, they do have their systems and they do have their hierarchy. And you’ll need to go through that process - and so being patient is very important.”
What We Need To Know
- Look for any changes in behavior, such as a decline in grades and a lack of enthusiasm for school. Those all could be signs that your child is being bullied (Joel Meyers, Ph.D, psychologist)
- It is critically important not to blame the victim. Recognize the environmental factors within the school, and work on changing the school climate, rather than saying the victim doesn’t fit in. (Joel Meyers, Ph.D, psychologist)
- Let your child release their anger before asking for all the details. Many times, emotions will mask the facts about what has really happened. (Tana Hall, M.Ed., licensed professional counselor)
- You need to report bullying and harassment. There’s safety and protection in reporting it. It’s when you don’t report such incidents that you can expect that the bullying is going to get worse. (Rep. Peter Hunt, D-Vt. State House)
- Have your child write down a detailed, chronological list of the events that have occurred. The more detailed and precise, the more seriously your complaints will be taken. (Tana Hall, M.Ed., licensed professional counselor)
- When approaching the school with the complaint, be calm, rational, factual and patient. If you storm in with tons of emotion, it will take longer to come to a resolution. (Tana Hall, M.Ed., licensed professional counselor)
Resources
- The Center for Research on School Safety, School Climate, and Classroom Management
- “Teachers Who Bully Students: Patterns and Policy Implications,” Alan McEvoy, Ph.D, Wittenberg University
- Menninger Clinic’s Child and Family Program
