It’s easy to love your kids. It’s much harder to talk with them. Watching the Connect with Kids programs takes the pressure off.

Wednesday, May 24th, 2006

Kristen DiPaolo | CWK Producer

Every year after high school graduation, there are parents who break the law: they host a party and serve teens alcohol.

How often does this happen? According to teens, all the time.

"It’s kind of like they open the door as soon as you get to the party," says 19-year-old Cameron Herron, "and they have a bowl to the side where they take your keys before you even start drinking."

Why do some parents allow underage drinking?

"Because they would rather it be at their house and for them to have the control," answers 19-year-old Marlena Flesner, "and for them to know where their kids are."

"I hear that a lot," says Dr. Michael Fishman, an addiction specialist, "and the fallacy is ‘to keep the kids safe’."

That’s the assumption, but is it true? Is it really safer when kids drink with adult supervision?

"I’ve been at parties where I’ve seen a mom say, ‘hey, this kid is a little too drunk - no more for him,’" says 19-year-old Anthony Machalette.

The problem, kids say, is that sometimes there is no supervision.

"And it was pretty much all of us downstairs partying," recalls 19-year-old Ryan Soto. "The parents are upstairs doing - nothing. They just kind of minded their own business and let us have a party downstairs."

"Usually they are not around," agrees Marlena Flesner. "They just kind of host it and sometimes buy the alcohol - or they just allow it.

And often, the kids start drinking at home - but they don’t stay there.

"In fact, some people are going to leave that house intoxicated," says Dr. Fishman.

"It was a lot of the wealthy parents who had a big house," says 20-year-old Jessica Holt, about one party she attended. "A lot of people could come. They wouldn’t collect keys or anything."

Finally, experts say, allowing kids to drink at home sends a message.

"I think the kids will see this as permission to drink," says Dr. Fishman. "I think the parents are fooling themselves if they think the kids are just going to drink at home under their own supervision."

He says don’t let your kids drink at home - and before they go to a party at a friend’s house, talk to the friend’s parents.

"I know my mother would kick my behind if I was drinking underage," says 20-year-old Erin Smith.

Tips for Parents

• Send your children a clear and consistent message: that you do not want them to drink before the age of 21. Do not make exceptions for special occasions like prom parties, spring break, or graduation parties. Kids who are allowed to drink at home will believe "drinking is no big deal to my parents." This will make them more likely to drink outside the home. (Dr. Michael Fishman, Addiction Specialist)
• Instruct your child to leave any house where there is underage drinking - even if there is parental supervision. In a recent poll by Teenage Research Unlimited, one-third of teens said their parents have supplied them with alcohol. In a poll by Harris Interactive, 25 percent of parents said they had allowed their teenage children to drink at home within the last six months. (The American Medical Association)
• Lock up your alcohol. Two-thirds of teens admit they have stolen liquor from their parents without their parents’ knowledge. (Teenage Research Unlimited)
• Inform your children about the risks of underage drinking. Research from the VA Medical Center in San Diego shows the hippocampi in teenage drinkers' brains were, on average, about 10percent smaller than the hippocampi in the brains of non-drinking teens. The hippocampi are responsible for memory and some learning functions. (American Medical Association)
• If there is a history of alcoholism in your family, make sure your children understand that they are at increased risk for developing the disease. (Dr. Michael Fishman, M.D., Addiction Specialist)

References

• The American Medical Association
• Teenage Research Unlimited
• Dr. Michael Fishman, Addiction Specialist

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