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The Risk of Being Different
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| Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006 | Kristen DiPaolo | CWK Producer |
“If they realize by the age of eight or nine that indeed they may be gay or lesbian, they start looking around them - and they see how gays and lesbians are treated, and then they may start feeling disliked. And then they may incorporate that dislike into disliking themselves, and then it’s only one or two short steps from disliking one’s self to wanting to harm one’s self.”
– Dr. Jim Stark, Ph.D., Forensic Psychologist
Suicide is the third leading cause of death for young people in the United States.
And a growing body of research shows that one group of teenagers is far more likely to attempt suicide than other kids. That group is gay and lesbian students - and often bullying is the cause of their despair.
Marvin Novelo is 17, openly gay - and has tried to kill himself several times.
“Drowning, pills, several other things,” he remembers.
Since the third grade, Marvin says, he has been the victim of bullies at school.
He’s been beaten up, thrown into a dumpster, a trashcan, and into a toilet in the girl’s bathroom.
“But of course, none of it was really as bad as just the verbal harassment,” Marvin says. “Because you couldn’t escape it. You could run away from someone trying to beat you up, but in a classroom there was nowhere to run.”
Several studies report that gay and lesbian teens are two to three times more likely to attempt suicide than other kids.
Research from Penn State University shows the risk is highest when gay students feel rejected at school.
“They may incorporate that dislike into disliking themselves,” says Dr. Jim Stark, who has worked with gay and lesbian teens, “and then it’s only one or two short steps from disliking one’s self to wanting to harm one’s self.”
“I see myself a person that’s not even deserving to live, a person that doesn’t deserve anything in life,” adds Marvin. “I see myself as this - and this is embarrassing, it’s humiliating.”
Psychologists say parents of kids who are depressed or bullied at school should ask their son or daughter if they’ve thought about suicide.
“And if you can present it in a way that you don’t label it as horrible, that someone would consider suicide as a solution, then you give permission for that thought to be there, and more permission to be able to talk about that option and other options,” says Dr. Paul Schenk, a psychologist.
As for Marvin, his goals for the future are simple.
“I want a life where I can actually be at peace,” he says.
CWK producer Adam Wilkenfeld contributed to this report.
What We Need To Know
- Research shows gay teens that are harassed or tormented at school are at risk for several self-destructive behaviors - including drug and alcohol use, engaging in high-risk sexual behavior, and suicide. (American Psychological Association)
- Parents should realize that gay teenagers who face hostility at school are also at risk for becoming the victims of physical violence. (American Psychological Association)
- Many times gay students will not confide in their parents about being harassed at school. They may be embarrassed, afraid to “come out” to their parents, or fear their parents will intervene and make the situation worse. That’s why its crucial for parents to recognize the warning signs for suicide. (Dr. Jim Stark, Ph.D., Forensic Psychologist)
- Warning signs for suicide include drug and alcohol use, changes in sleep patterns, and a sudden drop in grades. Teens that have seen a member of their own family commit suicide are at increased risk, because they see suicide as an option. (Dr. Paul Schenk, Psy.D., Psychologist)
- Off-handed comments such as, “maybe you are better off without me,” are often a cry for help. (4parents, National Education Campaign, Federal Government)
- Parents who suspect their teen may be depressed should directly ask them if they have considered suicide. The question is an invitation to talk, and talking will lead to healing. Many people fear the question will plant the idea of suicide in a child’s head, but psychologists say that belief is a myth. (Dr. Paul Schenk, Psy.D., Psychologist)
Resources
- American Journal of Public Health, The Relationship Between Suicide Risk and Sexual Orientation: Results of a population-based study.
- American Psychological Association
- Journal of Adolescent Health, Effects of at-school victimization and sexual orientation on lesbian, gay, or bisexual youths’ health risk behavior
- Safe Schools Coalition
