Beth Humphrey always dreamed of being a mom. At the age of 45, she adopted a little girl from Bulgaria. “I had this, very much, this image when we walked out of the orphanage, that I was going to be holding this little girls hand, we’re gonna walk hand in hand, it was gonna be idyllic, the soft music playing, it was just going to be ultimately perfect,” she remembers.

But Beth soon realized it wasn’t perfect. “How can I keep my sanity, you know, what’s gonna happen if she winds up with really significant problems, how do I feel about that, you can’t take her back,” she laughs riley as she recalls her thought process at the time. Just days after Nikki’s arrival, Beth was crying-depressed, anxious, and alone.

“The typical set up would be go over, adopt this child, this child is just gonna become a part of my family, everything is gonna be wonderful,” explains Cassandra Johnson-Landry, LPC, “Well, eventually, this honeymoon period ends.”

And experts say when that reality sets in, post-adoption depression or PAD, can take over. “As I realized the complexity of the different things I was grappling with, that was when I really sought- what can I do to help this child, what can I do to help myself,” Beth says.

The experts advice- understand that depression after adoption is not uncommon and that, in most cases, it’s temporary. Share your feelings with friends and family, and don’t be afraid to take care of yourself. “Take care of yourself, because you can’t be a caretaker unless you take care of the caretaker,” explains Jeff Atkinson, LPC.

What kind of severe stress affects new mothers? According to The New England Journal of Medicine, 13 percent of new mothers have such strong feelings of sadness, anxiety and despair that they are unable to cope with their daily tasks. This type of stress, known as postpartum depression (PPD), is still relatively misunderstood and its exact cause is unknown. And new studies are showing the depression isn’t limited to birth mothers … it can also affect adoptive mothers as well. Experts at Safer Child, Inc., say that the following factors may signal that a mother is at a higher risk of developing postpartum or post-adoptive depression:

• Exhaustion
• Overwhelming home or work conditions (including death in family, job change, layoff, a move, etc.)
• Personal or family history of depression or other mental problems
• Unrealistic expectations (including tendencies toward perfectionism)
• Baby who is sick, colicky or has other problems
• Little or no support from spouse, family members or friends
• Isolation
• Personal or family history of abuse, physical or emotional abandonment and/or neglect

According to Depression After Delivery, Inc., (DAD), depression symptoms and complications may occur days after receiving the child or they may appear gradually over time. A mother suffering from post-adoptive depression may experience the following symptoms:

• Sluggishness, fatigue and exhaustion
• Sadness, depression and hopelessness
• Appetite and sleep disturbances
• Poor concentration or confusion
• Memory loss
• Overconcern for the baby
• Uncontrollable crying or irritability
• Feelings of guilt, inadequacy or worthlessness
• Lack of interest in the baby
• Fear of harming the baby or oneself
• Fear of losing control or “going crazy”
• Exaggerated highs and/or lows
• Lack of interest in sex
• Insomnia
• Intrusive thoughts

Most women experience stress after adopting a child. While this may not develop into a serious problem, such as post-adoptive depression, a mother’s stress can still affect her family and her child. In order to prevent your stress from harming your child, the American Academy of Family Physicians offers the following advice for managing your stress:

• Find someone to talk to, and tell that person about your feelings.
• Get in touch with people who can help you with childcare, household chores and errands. This social support network will help you find time for yourself so you can rest.
• Find time to do something for yourself, even if it’s only 15 minutes a day. Try reading, exercising (walking is good for you and easy to do), taking a bath or meditating.
• Keep a diary. Every day, write down your emotions and feelings as a way of “letting it all out.” Once you begin to feel better, you can go back and reread your diary, which will help you see how much better you are.
• Even if you can only get one thing done in any given day, this is a step in the right direction. There may be days when you can’t get anything done. Try not to get angry with yourself when this happens.
• It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Adopting a child brings many changes, and parenting is challenging. When you’re not feeling like yourself, these changes can seem like too much with which to cope.
• You’re not expected to be a “supermom.” Be honest about how much you can do, and ask other people to help you.
• Find a support group in your area so that you can talk with others who have experienced post-adoptive depression.
• Talk with your doctor about how you feel. He/she may offer counseling and/or medicines that can help.