Mischievous Friends

A child brings home the so-called “bad kid on the block”. You don’t like it. You don’t want this kid in your house. More importantly, you don’t want this kid influencing your kid. The popular answer among parents, send him home and end the friendship. Experts disagree.

Parents often worry that peer pressure from a bad friend can lead to bad decisions, including drugs, drinking, shoplifting, and sexual activity, but experts advised that parents can’t play hardball with their teens.

Brian, 17, explained that his mom’s worried about his friends, ”Drugs, alcohol, stuff like that, getting into trouble with police.”

Psychologist Judy Wolman said “If I had said you may not be friends with him, it would have set up a whole big explosion.”

The suggested method is taking an opposite approach. Invite the friends into the home, get to know them and plant the seed that may cool the relationship. By surveying the other kids and the relationship, a parent is better armed to address any unhealthy influence the other child presents. Also, the other child will ideally absorb positive influences.

“If I had said you may not be friends with him, it would have set up a whole big explosion.”

--Judy Wolman, Psychologist

What's the Attraction

Parents often wonder what attracts children to bad companions and trouble makers.

Psychologist suggested that an array of factors can contribute to a child wanting to hang out with the mischievous kids. Many kids are in search of attention or want to rebel against parents Some are attracted to the excitement that accompanies getting into trouble and others have low self-esteem. Some are just in search of a companion.

What Parents Should Know

Children are often very impressionable, but there are numerous steps that parents can take to help minimize the effects of bad influences.

The establishment of a strong parent-child relationship is key. Children with strong parent ties often strive harder to please their parents. They will also look to a parent for advise when faced with peer pressure.

Also, if a child understands peer pressure and the feelings it provokes, he or she will be less likely to give in. A child should also know that everyone, both children and adults, experience peer pressure at some point.

Independence and individuality also tend to promote positive reactions to peer pressure. The suggested way to teach independence is by example. Experts agree children of independent parents are much more likely to be independent themselves.

Other suggestions include getting to know your children’s friends and their parents, knowing where they are and what they are doing at all times, not criticizing their friends, encouraging a variety of friends, teaching and praising assertiveness, and providing discipline.

If a child repeatedly falls to peer pressure it is advised to seek a mental health professional.

Confidence Is Key

A child armed with confidence is a child ready to battle peer pressure. If a child is spending time with the “wrong crowd” and lacks self-esteem, he will likely follow their footsteps. A confident kid hanging out with the same group be will more likely stand by his morals. He or she could even influence the rest of the gang.

By taking an opposing view the self-assured kid is showing the others that they have options. Admiring the self-esteem of the confident kid, the others may just choose these options.

By encouraging independence and allowing children to make decision, a parent can stimulate confidence.

Resources
The Nurture Assumption: Why Children Turn Out the Way They Do, by Judith Rich Harris	For more information on parenting issues contact us: Connecting with Kids