Hate
It’s often said that hate starts at home. But many kids these days are getting plenty of reinforcement out in the world. It makes it all the more important that parents not only avoid teaching hate in the first place, but do some things to balance the outside messages kids are getting.
Hate is an ugly emotion and it’s everywhere — on the internet, in front yards, at day care centers. No one seems immune. Kids can find themselves victims because of race, religion, sexual preference, or just bad timing. “I’m scared that I go to a Jewish school that’s so public...someone could just come in and put a bomb in it or start a fire,” says Debbie, age 12.
How do parents prepare kids to be hated, Dr. Stephen Thomas, a psychologist, says the most important thing parents can do is listen to kids and help them to understand that anger and pain are part of life.
That kind of communication is crucial because victims get angry, and when kids cannot identify and deal with those kinds of emotions, they are more likely to become hateful themselves. As eighteen-year old Brian states, “I could understand if everyone around you is showing you hatred...you’re gonna show them hatred...”
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“I could
understand if everyone around you is showing you hatred...you’re
gonna show them hatred.” --Brian, age 18 |
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In testimony to the House Judiciary Committee on the Hate Crimes Act The American Psychological Association (APA) reports that hate crimes have psychological, social and economical impacts. Some of the specific problems named include: more money spent on mental health services; poor job performance/ lost productivity; and increased fear among community groups. Source: APA - 7/21/98 Testimony |
Hate - Bad for Your Health
Hate is not only socially bad, preventing healthy relationships, it can have negative physiological results as well. According to Stephen Wall, director of the Bio Research Institute in Cotati, California, the physical responses of people experiencing anger often occur in those who feel hate due to the similarity between the two emotions.
Some of the biological things that occur are: 1) higher blood pressure, 2) clammy, sweaty palms, 3) muscle tension, 4) headaches, 5) shortness of breath, and 6) elevated heart rates. High levels of stress on the body affect the immune system too, which can lead to serious health problems. One solution suggested by Wall is to, “get your mind on something else.”
What Parents Should Know
We are living in a very diverse society, unfortunately, that does not mean we live in a tolerant society. With the wide variety of cultures and ethnic groups living in the United States, there is still a tendency towards separation. But, despite the distinctions we must learn to live together.
It is important for parents to talk with children about differences in people, lifestyles unlike their own, and the concept of preconceived notions. When there is open dialogue about these issues then children have some background to build their ideals on. If there is no communication, children will get their messages from somewhere else, and are much more likely to get the wrong message.
Misinformation comes from so many outside influences that parents have to pay careful attention to all signs of hate or intolerance. Incidents of racial slurs or negative comments should be addressed, no matter how slight they may seem. And parents should also be aware of a child’s behavior when they are in cliques or groups because of the influence that these close knit affiliations can have in both negative and/or positive ways.
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Resources
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Is youth violence just another fact of life? American Psychological Association. (1996). [Brochure]. |
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more information on parenting issues contact us: Connecting with Kids |