Car Talk
Parents need to talk with and listen to their children more carefully. But who has the time? Busy parent’s say there’s little time between and jobs and errands to really have quality time. But experts say the "key" to quality time may be sitting right in their driveway.
Some moms report spending over an hour a day on the road with their kids. Experts say smart parents turn the transport time into quality time by turning off the cell phone, turning down the radio, and tuning in to the kids. Many kids do most of their talking in the back seat, and the family car can be a great place for a family chat. "Because there's nothing else to do in the car besides listen to the radio," says Sarah, 14.
Talking should take place before you get home. But says, Dr. Nancy McGarrah, Psychologist, "You don't want to milk it. You don't want to make every time your child gets in the car groan and say, ‘Great I'm gonna be quizzed’, but you want to realize that transportation time, before you get around distractions, is your best opportunity to hear the confidential things kids say to each other.”
What Parents Should Know
Once your children become teenagers it may harder to have conversations with them. They go through a phase of wanting to be independent and "grown up” and may feel like they don’t need to let you know what’s going on in their lives.
Some experts say that teens are often trying to “take control” and withholding information from parents is one way to do it. It is not uncommon for teens to use shut out tactics, so don’t take it personal. You should make the effort to have your child open up to you, but avoid approaching them in ways that may cause tension. For example, don’t get defensive or make assumptions about their behavior. The adolescent years are a time for change and many of them may just need time to sort through some of their issues on their own.
Of course there are some cases when the lack of communication is extreme. This may be a sign of depression or that there are some other serious issues that need to be addressed. Be patient in your attempts to open up the lines of communication, but seek professional help if your child shows no signs of change.
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“Because there’s nothing else to do in the car besides listen to the radio.” --Sarah, Age 14 |
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Talk Tips Pick the right time to talk with children. It’s usually easier to strike up a conversation with a child when he or she is relaxed. With younger kids you can make a game out of having conversation. They are more likely to open up if they are having fun. With older children preaching should be avoided so they don’t feel judged or condemned. |
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Body Language Body
language is often talked about when adults are being coached on
communication strategies with each other, but it is also important
when talking with children. Kids can be just as aware as adults
when it comes to detecting body language cues. You should make eye
contact and focus on what your child is saying so that they know
you are really listening. It may also help to lean or sit down with
a child so that you are speaking on his or her level. Don’t try
to talk with your back turned or while you are involved with other
activities because you may give the impression that you are not
paying attention. |
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