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Controlling
Anger
Boys are taught from
a very young age to “take it outside and settle it” when there’s a disagreement
which has escalated. Many times they are told to handle it “man to man”
and to refrain from seeking help from an adult outside of the situation,
lest they be labeled a tattle-tale or coward.
We teach our boys
to be physically aggressive; unfortunately, we fail to teach them how
to control angry reactions at even a young age… and this is exactly when
the most subtle of comments can set a boy off.
Experts say the key
to curbing violence among teen boys is by teaching them how to control
raging emotions in the early years. “You have to keep working at anger;
anger will always be a part of your life,” advises Dr. Lyndon Waugh, child
psychiatrist.
So many schools are
responding to this problem by offering courses in anger management, where
kids role play to understand how to handle provocation without retaliation.
And while anger is
often glorified for boys through the entertainment they watch and the
sports they play, it’s important for parents to teach anger management
skills at home. But first, parents must understand the lesson themselves.
What
Parents Should Know
Completely avoiding
anger is impossible. But the Nemours Foundation, at Kidshealth.org suggests.
these “Anger Busters”:
- While it may sound
simple, the best thing to first try is counting to 10.
- Get or give a hug.
- Stamp your feet,
or take a walk to clear your head.
- Beat up a pillow,
or any other soft, inanimate object because the pillow can’t get hurt.
- Sing along with
the radio or your favorite CD.
- Draw a picture
of your anger.
- Play a fun video
game.
- Do some work outside,
like pulling weeds or sweeping the walkway.
- Think about a favorite
memory, a favorite vacation, a day you spent with friends or family,
your favorite dessert.
- Take a long bike
ride, jog, or go rollerblading, anything that you enjoy which will redirect
your attention!
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“You have
to keep working at anger; anger will always be a part of your life.”
--Dr. Lyndon
Waugh, child psychiatrist
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Analyzing Anger
Experts anger
is often regarded in two ways, both wrong:
- Negatively,
it’s regarded as a destructive, evil force that should be eliminated.
- Positively,
as an empowering, “masculine” emotion that commands respect and
attention.
Neither of course,
is right. We should look at anger instead as a normal emotion that
can be useful if used appropriately.
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Anger's
Origins
By
about a 7:1 ratio, boys have more problems with aggression than
girls, mainly due to innate aggressive tendencies and the fact that
society encourages and tolerates more aggressive behavior in boys.
Parents
can help counteract this by establishing “rules” for appropriate
expression of anger. Kids need to know that while ‘feeling angry’
is ok, it’s what you do with that anger that can get them in trouble.
Parents
can be a good role model for their children in appropriately expressing
anger. For a child prone to fighting, insist that he learn how to
resolve conflicts without physical force. And reinforce effective
ways of promoting self-control at home.
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