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Seeing
Violence
For most kids childhood
is a time to play, a time of happiness, when kids think they can live
forever. But with one violent moment, their whole world can be turned
upside down. “I saw my friend in the hospital die with a gun with a bible
over it and we had a prayer before he died. Things changed from there,”
says a seventeen year old boy who asked to remain anonymous.
Last year nearly a
million children in the United States were victims of crimes, but millions
of others were deeply affected because they knew a victim or actually
witnessed a violent incident. When kids see violence they quickly move
from feelings of invulnerability to fear. Experts say kids may struggle
with how to express their feelings about what they experience. It’s important
for parents to encourage them to draw, role play, or write a story about
the incident. But most importantly, parents should have the patience to
give a child time to grieve.
“We cannot say get
well now,” warns educational psychologist, Jennifer Obidah. “We build
a relationship with the child so that we can hear from them over time.
They may seem okay at first and we find out later they are not.”
What
Parents Should Know
The American Academy
of Pediatrics reports that who have seen violence could experience the
following symptoms:
- Increased fear
and worries about staying safe
- Aggression toward
others
- Depression
- Sleeplessness
- Headaches, stomachaches,
and other psychosomatic symptoms
- Mental disorders
like neuroses or anxiety
- Eating disorders
- Lowered self-esteem
- Withdrawal from
friends and family
- Lowered grades
and overall poor school performance
- Difficulty concentrating
- Suicidal tendencies
- Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder (PTSD)-a condition that often leads to re-experiencing
the trauma
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I saw a friend
in the hospital die with a gun with a bible over it and we had a
prayer before he died. Things changed from there.
--Anonymous,
age 17
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Lessons
in Violence
Studies show
kids who see violence at home may learn that violence is a way of
communicating and handling every day life. According to the American
Academy of Pediatrics, exposure to violence and being a victim of
violence are associated with self-reported use of violence and carrying
a weapon. Many children use violence to protect themselves against
the belief that if your are not the aggressor, you are going to
be the victim.
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Helping
Kids Cope
When kids witness violence they often begin to feel helpless and
afraid. Adults can re-establish a child’s sense of safety by teaching
them to protect themselves.
Show
them safe routes for walking in the neighborhood. Encourage them
to report suspicious activities to adults. Make sure they know what
to do if anyone tries to hurt them and how to contact an adult or
call 911. By giving kids some control and teaching them to be part
of the solution, adults help ease fear and teach kids how to cope
with their feelings.
Kids
also need to be given plenty of patience and reassurance over an
extended period of time.
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