The Sex Talk

It’s an uncomfortable subject; one most parents would rather avoid. When do you talk to your kids about sex? It’s controversial, but some experts say by age eight, kids should know the facts of life. “If you talk to kids before eight about sex their reaction is going to be yuck,” says author Richard Eyre. “If you talk to them much after eight their reaction is going to be, so, I already knew that. But if you talk to them positively when they are eight, their reaction is going to be, wow.”

“On my eighth birthday they had a big talk with me,” says eleven year old Charity. “We had this book, like a children’s book with illustrations and they read it to me and told me about it.” Many children’s books give vivid explanations, proper names of body parts and explicit details; but, experts say by age eight most kids can handle the subject matter. Eyre suggests that parents find a special place and time to initiate the conversation rather than waiting for the child to ask. “We think it’s a mistake to wait for questions,” says Eyre. “Parents should be preemptive about sex and have the talk before the questions start coming, so that you’re not playing catch up all the time.”

Kids say if parents don‘t talk early, they are more likely to get the information from less reliable sources. “I think they get it mainly from television and the media and from school and peers,” says Charity. “I almost feel bad for them that they have the wrong idea of it. That it’s so bad, scary and gross and I know that it’s special and wonderful.

Arming kids with information instead of ignoring the subject may have better outcomes. Research shows that the more kids know about sex and the earlier they learn, the less likely they are to have sex at an early age.

What Parents Can Do:
Linda and Richard Eyre are the co-authors of
“How To Talk To Your Child About Sex.“
They offer these suggestions to parents.

Establish open communication. If you can talk to your child about something as intimate as sex, one of the byproducts of that is you will be able to talk to them about anything. It will open up a channel of trust and communication. Drugs, peer pressure, gangs, and instant gratification all become easy subjects.

Initiate the conversations about sex. Parents should approach kids to talk about sex before kids start coming to parents for questions. This way parents are the one supplying the information firsthand. Then when kids hear friends talking about sex or telling a dirty joke, they will have a reference point and know the facts.

Both parents should be involved. Richard and Linda Eyre say ideally, both parents should be involved in the sex talk. Divorced parents can discuss ahead of time and decide how they will approach the subject with their children. There are no rules that say fathers can only talk to sons and mothers to daughters. If kids are uncomfortable, parents can reassure their kids by saying that they care about them enough to be blunt about a somewhat difficult subject.