Ritualistic Religion

Ministers and rabbis around the country say they are seeing an increasing number of kids coming into places of worship without their parents. Many of these young newcomers are flocking to churches and synagogues in search of ancient rituals and mysticism.

While churches work hard to accommodate their newest members, many face the task of trying to keep kids from treating this newfound faith as a passing fad. "I think it does start out, in my case at least, as a fad," says seven year-old Rachel. "And then it turns into something that you’re just used to and accustomed to and it’s a good thing to do."

While Rachel has her parent’s blessing when it comes to her enthusiasm for her Jewish faith, thirteen year-old Brandon got a different response from his mother. "She was sort of surprised," says Brandon. But Brandon’s mother’s lack of enthusiasm hasn’t discouraged him and he remains active in his church and youth group even though he attends church without his family. "I like mostly all of it," says Brandon. "It just makes me feel good."

Rabbi Arnold Goodman believes that even if kids come into the religion for the rituals, belief can and usually always does, follow. "But even if they’re doing it, if not for the right reason," says Rabbi Arnold Goodman, "as long as they are doing it, ultimately they will do it for the right reason."

While most kids remain devoted many parents continue to question their child’s involvement. Religious Scholar Tim Von Meter says it’s important for kids to explore their faith but parents should be cautious when kids seem to be taking religion too far or relinquishing their power to religious leaders. "I would begin to investigate ways to have them feed that hunger for faith and for religion," says Von Meter.

What Parents Can Do

Be supportive. Spiritual hunger intensifies when kids are around the ages of 11 to 12 and they are becoming more personal about all of their relationships, including one with God. It is normal for kids to go through a questioning process to make their beliefs and the religion of their up-bringing their own experience.

Keep the faith. As disconcerting as a child’s doubts about God and religion can be for some parents, the whole process does make sense developmentally. Families play the formative role in determining identity, so in the end kids will most likely follow parents and their beliefs.

Listen to your kids. As kids sort out through all the different views on religion and spirituality that surrounds them, they will need people to serve as sounding boards. As they hear themselves talk, they often can sort out some of the doubts they may have.

Be honest. The most important thing you can give your children is an honest and supportive relationship, one that shares your values, principles and convictions.

Share your beliefs. Kids will benefit from hearing how you arrived at your belief system.

Take them seriously. Even if your child‘s thoughts and ideas are out of your comfort realm, take them seriously.

Stay with them. If kids don’t get parental support for their religious or spiritual exploration, they might abandon their search altogether.