When Mom’s Your Pal

The generation gap may be shrinking. More and more mothers and daughters look alike, dress alike, go to the mall and to the movies together-and now recent polls suggest that mothers and daughters want to be alike and to spend time together. Three quarters of mom’s surveyed described their daughter’s approval of them as "very important."

Dottie Johnson, mother of fourteen year old Abby, is proud of the fact that she is close with her daughter. "I remember growing up saying, I’m gonna be a cool mom," says Johnson. "I’m gonna understand when my child comes to me with this and this problem." Johnson‘s prophecy has come true. Abby considers her mom a close confidant. "I’m really close with my mom," says Abby. "So I can talk to my mom about anything."

Experts warn that when mom becomes a close friend, she may lose some of her parental authority. "We start blurring this boundary between mother and daughter," says family counselor Kenneth Hoats. "Then it’s hard to go back to now, I’m your mom and I’m going to put this limit or boundary on your behavior. " Hoats says that there is nothing wrong with bridging the generation gap with a child as long as parents are parents first and foremost.

Johnson says that getting the equation of part-mother, part-friend took some work and that when she was pushing too hard to be considered a peer, she had to put her need to be considered a "cool" mom aside so her daughter would feel more comfortable around her own friends. "Parents need to be consistent, they need to know those boundaries are there," says Johnson. "And I think when the kids do, I think they seem to do better with them."

What Parents Can Do

Family counselor Kenneth Hoats offers some suggestions for mothers.

Parents need to parent. Mr. Hoats believes that one of the primary tasks of parents is to develop clear boundaries between themselves and their children. Kids need their parents to set limits and to hold them accountable for their actions.

Be consistent. Kids need parents to be consistent with their love, attention and with the enforcement of family rules. Hoats believes that if the mother-daughter relationship takes on a friendship quality, that parental authority will be lost and the relationship will suffer.

Connect with your daughter. One of the healthiest things moms can do as parents is to enjoy doing things with their child. Moms can still have fun and spend quality time with their daughters, but they should always remain as the parent figure in the child’s life.