Yes, New Jersey’s Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights has put schools on the spot, with already stretched resources. Yet, with or without legislation, schools nationwide are already on the spot. The American Medical Association calls bullying a public health issue. While schools strive to hit benchmarks for academic achievement and student success, the National Association of School Psychologists reports that every school day, 160,000 children stay home because they are afraid of getting hurt at school. Something has to change.

That anti-bullying spotlight really needs to be on students, parents and communities nationwide – because the real solution can be found in nothing less than cultural change, one person, one family, one classroom at a time. A shift from today’s pervasive culture of cruelty and intense competition (online, in person, in the media) to a culture of caring. The challenge of learning to live from the inside out, motivated by intrinsic rewards of accomplishment and learning rather than the extrinsic rewards of trophies, class rank and test scores.

Sure it’s no short order — a challenge that extends beyond school hallways and classrooms. Many believe that, as a general rule, students today are meaner than they were generations ago. Bullying has changed, perhaps, because we have. Our global village is more competitive than in any time in history. When kids (and adults) are narcissistic and value competition, materialism, fortune and fame. . . . the end result is a crueler culture. A culture that experts say begins to show problems with conflicts in relationships, with a breakdown in community, and a lack of connection.

How can we encourage a culture of caring that teaches empathy that promotes concern for others rather than just for oneself, a culture that values respect and kindness, and builds a connected community? New Jersey and its requirements will surely lead the way. But each of us — at home, in schools, at work, in our community – need to learn to live from the inside out, to demonstrate and learn from the emotional pay-off of being assertive rather than aggressive and kind rather than cruel. We need now to literally teach kids and help them experience what it means to live in a connected, other-directed community where you don’t have to watch your back because your friends and family have your back.

Look for opportunities in day-to-day life and provide real-life stories and examples of how to students can speak up for themselves without intimidating others. Try to make certain that everyone has a least one friend – someone they can count on that has their back. If you see a student that is completely isolated, try to pair that student with other children who share common interests. Most importantly, teach students that taking care of one another is priority, at school and at home.